From September, 2002

A Personal Ring

I did my first secular wedding on Saturday and I certainly didn't feel it was a sell-out on my part, (though I'm sure there will be some who do).

The bride's mother had originally phoned me to see if I knew of anyone who could 'preside at', 'officiate at' or 'conduct' (I'm not quite sure what the right word would be) a ceremony to mark the couple's wedding. In England, it would not have been a problem because the Secular Society have a list of trained people for such occasions.

I didn't know of anyone on the island so when she asked if I might do it I readily said yes. I admired their integrity and if I could do anything to strengthen and mark their public commitment to each other then I was happy to help. So I donned a shirt and tie in place of my dog-collar and headed up into the hills above Alaro for the S'Olivaret Hotel.

The wedding was outdoors against the backdrop of the huge towering rocks, which one can see for miles around.

No, I didn't feel a traitor as I took my red pen to the traditional wedding ceremony and crossed out all references to God. I suspect He would probably have had a wry smile on His face and be highly amused. I'm sure that He's sufficiently confident in Himself not to be too upset!

The couple had written their own personal words for that part in the ceremony where they put the wedding rings on each other's fingers. They were absolutely great with a real personal ring about them and I suspect there wasn't a dry eye; they could have put Cranmer to shame with their prose.

They might not have believed in God in the way that some of us do but they certainly understood the power of love, beauty, truth and commitment. So I'm not convinced that there's that much distance between us at the end of the day.

As St Paul said: "Where love is, God is."