12th February 2010

A Chaplain’s Diary

 

 

It’s all in a week’s work.

  

The Weakest Link

 

I don’t know why but I am not a fan of the television programme The Weakest Link and hardly ever watch it.  It’s probably because I don’t know how to take Anne Robinson …. all this acerbic questioning and winking completely confuses me.  I just don’t know how to take her. There was one question recently which, unlike the contestant, I knew the answer to.  “Every ten years, Anglican Bishops are gathered by the Archbishop of Canterbury for the Lambeth what?”  As quick as anything the middle aged female contestant came back with “Walk?”  As another quiz host on another quiz programme would say, “Good answer, but it’s not right”.

 

A bit of female charm

 

There are those who, in the past, have complained about my constant reference in this column to the budget airline Easyjet.  As they don’t pay the fee for my weekly column in the Majorca Daily Bulletin, though actually thinking about it, I don’t get paid anything for writing this column – just in case you were wondering – I shall ignore their tedious criticisms and once again I’m going to go on about Easyjet.  My flight next Monday into East Midlands Airport has been cancelled because they no longer use that airport and have moved their operation to Sheffield/Doncaster Airport which is the old RAF Finningley.  We were given the option of either a refund or a flight on a different day.  It was all meant to be done by e-mail.  As usual I screwed up completely and finished up saying I wanted both an alternative flight and a refund.  This resulted in endless e-mails backwards and forwards, complicated by the fact that they would not accept my password because I had changed my e-mail address.  Add to that the fact that thousands of other customers were also trying to get their money back, either because of the closure of East Midlands Airport, or because of the huge number of cancellations due to the snow that everything took for ever.  In reality I’ve given up on the thirty odd quid they owed me …..  I couldn’t be bothered with all the hassle. 

However, in a spare moment yesterday I thought I would phone the Spanish Easyjet Customer Service number on the off chance that I might be able to get through.  On previous occasions there had been a long waiting time and at sixty-five cents a minute I wasn’t prepared to waste money.  This time I got through within a minute.  The problem was solved and the amount has hopefully been credited to my bank account.  Despite all the messing around and wasting time, I felt a satisfied customer.  It’s surprising what a bit of female charm can do to a weary, impatient, old man.

 

A grumpy old man

 

That reminds me.  On Sunday our Lay Reader, Linda Cade, preached about the calling of the first disciples by Jesus on the shore of the Sea of Galilee.  According to the narrative, Jesus said to them all that instead of being fishermen they would become “fishers of men”.  I always smile when I hear that phrase because I can remember an old priest saying to us one day “Remember you are all called to be fishers of men, not vicious old men!”  The problem is I feel myself getting more impatient as I’m getting older and I’m certainly becoming a grumpy old man …. a fact to which my children would attest.

 

Barbed comments

 

A strange request this week.  Would I mind if a television crew filmed a wedding for a programme that I had not heard of called “Four Weddings”.  It goes out on the Living Channel and I think occasionally on one of the Virgin Channels.  I said, “Yes, no problem at all”.  Being a bit of a show off and someone who, when he sees a camera, tries to get in front of it, I just couldn’t stop myself.  I think it was about 3 o’clock in the morning when I started to have second thoughts.  In the dark hours of the night I began to lose my nerve.  I had said “Yes” to something that I knew nothing about, and should really have checked out before agreeing.  The following morning, I was straight on the internet to look at the programme publicity material.  A cold sweat began to break out.  This was a television series not unlike “Come Dine with Me”.  If you have ever watched that programme you will know that four people host a dinner party and then mark each other for their presentation, hosting skills and food.  The more barbed the comments the better the programme.  The bitchier they can be, the higher the audience ratings.  Add to that the satirical comments of the voice-over, and I have always wondered why anyone would ever want to subject themselves to such public humiliation.  Did they really not know what they were letting themselves in for?

 

Four Weddings is exactly the same format.  Four brides go to each others weddings, cast an eagle eye over the proceedings and then criticise and bitch accordingly.  The more outrageous the wedding couple the better, and the contrast between the weddings is designed to be as marked as possible just to liven things up a bit. They are certainly looking for the weird and wonderful.  I put in a frantic phone call to my daughter whose judgement I trust in these matters, and she advised me not to touch the idea with a barge pole.  I know it’s paternalistic but I just did not want any bride of mine, just for the sake of the possibility of winning a free exotic honeymoon, to have her whole day spoilt with hurtful and bitchy comments afterwards in the full public gaze.  This programme is more about weddings than marriage and the zanier and the more things that go wrong the better.  Rather reluctantly and with some embarrassment I phoned the couple and back tracked on my original agreement.  I think they are now looking for another priest.  I just hope they don’t live to regret their decision to go ahead.  They were such a lovely couple and I would hate to see them hurt or their day spoilt by criticism.

 

Sing-along for Haiti

 

We are determined to raise 1000 euros for the Haiti disaster appeal with tonight’s Sing-along to the film Sound of Music and supper. We just know we have got to do our bit. The devastation suffered by the people of Haiti by the earthquake which struck on 12^th January has caught the attention of most people. Already the poorest country in the Americas with 80% of the people living on £1.50 a day, the struggle of the country’s poor in the face of the disaster is unimaginable. The provision of food, water, tents, hygiene kits, blankets, jerry cans for water, and emergency medical support are the priorities needed. Not that they are important, compared with the huge loss of human life, but most of the churches have been destroyed as well and the Roman Catholic Archbishop was killed.

 

There are details of tonight’s event elsewhere in this newspaper. It is 12 euros and starts at 7.30pm in the Coleman Hall at the Anglican Church in Palma. As usual it promises to be fun and if you would like a ticket phone 600400600 to reserve one. Between you and me, knowing the generosity of people on this island we shall easily exceed 1000 euros but however much is raised it will not be enough and I can assure you that every euro will go to where it is needed. There are no overheads that have not already been covered by others.

 

Fr Robert Ellis is the Anglican Chaplain of Mallorca

St Philip and St James Church

Calle Nunez de Balboa 6,

Son Armadans, Palma 07014

Tel: 971 737279

e-mail: anglicanpalma@gmail.com

www.anglican-mallorca.org