18th June 2010

A Chaplain’s Diary

 

 

Lost and found

 

Almost the back page

Oh hello!  I’m glad you’ve managed to find me this week.  In last Friday’s edition of the Daily Bulletin I was almost on the back page after all the football stuff.  I suspect it won’t be long before I’m shuffled off the paper altogether.  Well at least I’ve had a good run for my money.  Meanwhile the young Turks like Frank Leavers will no doubt carry on for ever, sitting in front of his television set doing programme reviews and generally being a grumpy old man.  OK, so sometimes I’ve been a bit near the bone, and on other occasions I’ve even dared to criticise the editor, so I’m sure it won’t be long before my column is printed after the classified ads – and that has to be the ultimate indignity for a columnist.  Meanwhile, George Giri is still propping up the bar in Mancor del Valle listening out for local gossip, Laura Stadler is still strutting her stuff with the glitterati, Frank  is being frank, Anna Nichols is busy writing yet another book and Shirley Roberts is “resting”.  And where am I?  Well last week I was almost on the back page because of the wretched World Cup!

 

Grandparents all over Mallorca are getting ready for the summer arrival of their grandchildren.

Peace and quiet

Now this is purely anecdotal and subjective, and it may well be that others have a different perspective on things.  But from where I’m sitting things are very quiet indeed on the tourist front.  Our apartment block in Camp de Mar, which is usually full of Austrians and Germans, has been really quiet until this last week, I’m told the Real Club Nautico in Palma is similarly tranquil, and I’m surprised at how few holiday makers there are in church on a Sunday morning.  I suppose it’s not surprising when you consider what we’ve been up against: fears of volcanic ash preventing planes taking off, French air traffic controllers playing up, the intermittent BA strike in the background, a U.K. General Election, the World Cup and the weakness of the pound against the euro, which makes everything more expensive than people expect. 

 

Of course, whilst I’m enjoying the relative peace and quiet in the sunshine, others are frantic about their jobs and businesses.  The problem is that I, like many others, cannot see things getting better in the short term as the budgetary cuts begin to bite back in the U.K.  I know you’ve heard it all before, to the point of being boring, but it doesn’t make it any easier for those who are at the end of their tether with worry.

 

Fully equipped

I suspect the island has quite a few British grandparents who live out here but whose breeding offspring are back in the U.K. We have now joined their ranks and like everyone else we have to be fully equipped for the annual visit of the grandchildren.  Out there, under the stairs in many a grandparental home are hardly used travelling cots, changing mats, almost new high chairs and all the paraphernalia that grandparents try to provide, just to ensure that their offspring will bring the grandchildren out again.  It’s an area that grandparents are terrified of not getting right.  Yes it’s a free holiday for the parents, but woe betide any grandparents who are not fully equipped ready for the annual holiday.  The stuff is too difficult and expensive to bring on the plane and we’re all terrified of being found wanting.  The smallest enquiry often brings offers of baby gear from similar overly equipped grandparents, whose grandchildren are now more suited to the clubs of Magalluf than changing mats and breast-milk pumps.  We are just joining the club. We have bought a second hand high chair from some grandparents who are moving house, and it’s obvious that the chair has probably only be used two or three times.  We’ve acquired a travelling cot and are now on the look out to buy a car seat to save having to hire one. And come next summer it will all be of little use unless of course…….!?  

 

There is no doubt that the arrival of grandchildren is one of the most unsettling factors for grandmothers.  Forget homesickness, the weakness of the pound, the absence of marmite and salad cream – those things are as nothing once the grandchild arrives.  Husbands might as well give up the fight to stay on the island because the grandchild usually wins.  Whether it’s the smell of baby lotion or the urge to change dirty nappies, I don’t know.  But like bees to honey, there’s a magnetic pull back to the UK for all grandmothers that can’t be shaken off.  Meanwhile I sit and watch my bank balance go down as almost monthly air-fares are paid out for my wife to go and change a few dirty nappies back in Manchester. Is it me or is it them?

 

So what is a grandparent?

In the eyes of one class of six year olds who wrote on the subject, grandparents are:

A lady and a man who have no little children of their own, they like other people's.

Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them. They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run.          

It is good if they drive us to the shops and give us money.

They show us and talk to us about the colours of the flowers and also why we shouldn't step on 'cracks.'

They don't say, 'Hurry up.'

Usually grandmothers are fat but not too fat to tie your shoes.

They wear glasses and funny underwear.

They can take their teeth and gums out.

 Grandparents don't have to be smart.

 They have to answer questions like 'Why isn't God married?' and 'How come dogs chase cats?'

When they read to us, they don't skip bits. They don't mind if we ask for the same story over again.

 Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don't have television because they are the only grownups who like to spend time with us.

They know we should have snack time before bedtime, and they say

prayers with us and kiss us even when we've acted bad.

    

A 6 year old was asked where his Grandma lived.

“Oh” he said, “She lives at the airport, and when we want her we just go and get her. Then when we’re done having her to visit, we take her back to the airport.”

 

Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things, but I don’t get to see him enough to get as smart as him!

 

It's funny when they bend over; you hear gas leaks, and they blame their dog.

 

 

Fr Robert Ellis is the Anglican Chaplain of Majorca

St Philip and St James

Nunez de Balboa 6

Son Armadans

Palma 07014

Tel: 971 737279

E mail: anglicanpalma@gmail.com

www.anglican-mallorca.org